Have you ever made real progress toward a change…
…and then had a setback?
Maybe you were exercising consistently and then stopped.
You had finally started setting boundaries, and then found yourself saying yes again.
You had been managing your stress differently, and then life became overwhelming.
You were communicating better in a relationship, and suddenly you reacted the way you always used to.
And the thought comes:
“I’m right back where I started.”
But what if you’re not?
👉 Change is rarely a straight line
One of the most important things to understand about behavior change is that it is not always linear.
You can move forward.
You can slip.
You can learn something.
You can adjust your approach.
And then you can move forward again.
A setback does not erase everything you learned before it.
👉 In fact, sometimes the setback gives you information you couldn’t have gotten any other way.
- It shows you where your plan wasn’t strong enough.
- It reveals a trigger you hadn’t noticed.
- It reminds you what kind of support you need.
- It may even expose an old belief or pattern that is still asking for your attention.
👉 A setback is information—not an identity
This distinction can completely change the way you respond.
Instead of:
“I failed.”
Try:
“Something interrupted my new pattern. What can I learn from it?”
Instead of:
“I can’t do this.”
Try:
“I haven’t figured out how to sustain this under these circumstances yet.”
Notice the difference.
The first statements close the door.
The second statements create a path forward.
👉 This is where self-awareness becomes powerful
Remember what we’ve been talking about throughout this series?
Your thoughts influence your feelings.
Your feelings influence your actions—or your inaction.
And your actions create results.
So when you experience a setback, what you make it mean matters.
If you interpret a setback as proof that you’re incapable, you may feel defeated.
And when you feel defeated, you’re more likely to give up.
But if you interpret it as information, you create curiosity.
And curiosity gives you the opportunity to make a different choice.
The circumstance may be the same.
Your interpretation of the circumstance changes your experience of it.
👉 Try the “Return, Don’t Restart” approach
The next time you notice yourself slipping back into an old pattern, pause.
Ask yourself:
1. What happened?
What was going on when I drifted away from the change I was making?
2. What was I thinking or feeling?
What thoughts, emotions, or circumstances influenced my behavior?
3. What can I learn?
What does this experience teach me about what I need?
4. What do I need now?
Do I need rest? Support? A smaller goal? A different strategy? A conversation? More preparation?
5. What is my next right step?
Not tomorrow.
Not next Monday.
Not when everything is perfect.
What can I do now?
And here’s something I really want you to remember:
You do not have to start over every time you stumble.
You get to return.
Return to the intention.
Return to the practice.
Return to what matters.
Return to yourself.
The goal isn’t to become someone who never struggles.
The goal is to become someone who knows how to respond when struggle comes.
That’s a very different kind of strength.
And perhaps that’s one of the greatest gifts of understanding the Stages of Change:
You stop asking,
“What’s wrong with me?”
and start asking,
“Where am I in the process, and what do I need next?”
That question creates possibility.
One final reflection
Think about a change you’ve been working on.
Where are you today?
Maybe you’re not ready.
Maybe you’re thinking about it.
Maybe you’re preparing.
Maybe you’re taking action.
Maybe you’re maintaining your progress.
Or maybe you’ve recently experienced a setback.
There is no wrong answer.
👉 The important thing is becoming honest about where you are—because you can only move forward from where you actually stand.
Over the past several emails, we’ve explored the different stages of change and how understanding them can replace self-judgment with self-awareness.
My hope is that you walk away with something simple:
You are not broken.
You are not lazy.
You are not failing because change feels hard.
You are human—and change is a process.
And you don’t have to navigate that process alone.
💫 If you would like support identifying where you are, understanding what’s keeping you stuck, and creating a realistic next step, I’d love to help.
You can simply email me with NEXT STEP, and I’ll be in touch. Click to email me.